remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
