just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
