New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Randomize
