epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
