Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize
