I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
If you dont, I will tell Dad you are gay.
Fine, and I will tell him you fucked his business partner
Previous statement retracted.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
