I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
