been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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