dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
