We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize