i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize
