that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Randomize
