fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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