You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Randomize
