Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
There's a set of buzz lightyear wings in lost and found at work. I just need access to your roof.
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Randomize
