apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
Randomize
