I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
Randomize
