I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
