I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
