Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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