I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
