i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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