Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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