I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
