I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
MIDGETS
????
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
