Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
