you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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