My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
Randomize
