I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
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