I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Randomize
