You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
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