So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
Randomize
