just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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