I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
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