We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
