Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
