My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
