And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
