Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
