Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
