Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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