my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Randomize
