Your tits are I can't wait for
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
