Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
