If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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