I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He ate me out while I was playing bejeweled. It was the greatest moment of my life.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
