Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
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