when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
