I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
Randomize
