are you so shy because you have an std?
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Randomize
