I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
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