Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
