matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
