Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
