i need an iv and a liver transplant
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
