You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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