That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
