You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Next person that gets my dog drunk is paying to have my carpet cleaned. I am tired of getting up to pee and stepping in dog barf.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
