Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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