Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
