I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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