All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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