It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
