considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize