Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
